It starts with that frustration building up inside to get the hell out of your dead end seemingly hopeless job to the greener pastures of an MBA. Oh what a mistake. Of all the things I could do if I could go back in time, the decision to try for an MBA would be the first…and maybe the rest will sort itself out after that. But that is not going to happen…I might as well face the reality and the bitterness that comes with every single passing moment of time. I thought I was better than the rest….intelligent….smart….and guaranteed to succeed at whatever I wanna do…i thought i was unique….i came here and met another 180 odd people just as unique….and thats just my batch….there are more…more unique and smart and talented and intelligent people who will succeed at whatever they do…or so they think….so I thought…
They say the pressure is bad but as long as you dont crack it will all be fine and you wil make it through…but noone can tell you that exact fucking moment of time when you will crack…when you will feel that last straw…when you will just get the hell up and say enough..stop it now…I GIVE UP… I just cannot take it anymore…its either this or I will whither away and die..no let me rephrase that…i will go insane and maybe drive other people around me insane to…drive them to the brink of insanity and jump off myself before I push them over the cliff…
The moment is now…it all happens now…you carry on for as long as you can cos there is always someone you dont want to disappoint…if it were just for yourself it would be so much simpler…but then when it doesnt matter to you anymore who gets disappointed and whose heart gets broken…that is when it happens….you call them up…tell them you are disappointing them..tell them you wanna quit…you cant take it anymore…no reasons..no explanations…not that weak yet…just want to give up….and then when you cant think of an answer to the obvious next question….why???when did you become so weak as to give up??? how badly do you want to break that bubble…that bubble that you are the best…strongest…smartest and all that jazz…and that there are hundreds just like you..no actually better than you cos they are still here and havent cracked yet…
But they still welcome you…still say its going to be alright and that you should come back and leave everything behind if you want to…and you do….god do you want to…but didnt really count on them accepting you….getting shunned would’ve been better…just maybe….maybe if they told you coming back was not an option you would’ve stayed….carried on or gone elsewhere…at least saved them the trouble of bearing with you and facing the embarrassment of being associated with a quitter…
Or maybe it was just that ….just what I needed… one click away and still could not book the ticket….the ticket away from here….ticket taking me home…
Not a quitter….not yet….maybe just a little still left before I say its over…
Or so I hope and carry on…
Don’t worry……first term it feels like that……make sure your first year grades are good….and then chill out and enjoy your 2nd year….
All the Best….
“Been there, done that…so in a position to advice now”